What to Do if You’re Married to an Alcoholic

The patterns and interactions that were established during addiction are basically obliterated. A husband who used to stay out late drinking will now be spending much more time at home. A wife previously addicted to painkillers to numb difficult emotions or situations will now have to deal with them head-on, without the aid of substances.

The majority who have an alcohol abuse disorder are men, with 10.8 million men suffering from https://ecosoberhouse.com/ alcohol abuse disorder. 7 percent of adults ages 18 and older have an alcohol abuse disorder.

Marriage After Sobriety

Some couples know before they say “I do” that a partner has issues with drugs or alcohol. Those in recovery can be the healthiest, most well-adjusted people you’ll meet, but they can also relapse. Nobody likes to think that addiction will happen to them or to their partner. I’ve spent the last six years researching and understanding alcoholism, addiction, and how people get sober. When I’m not writing about sobriety and mental health, I’m fully living in my role as wife, mama, and SEO badass. The person who has just recovered from substance abuse disorder will have to put in efforts to rebuild the lost trust.

The antidepressant played havoc on his mind and body. He often expressed how he felt foggy and resented how it impacted our physical intimacy. The combination of these effects shattered his self-esteem. For almost a year and a half, we experienced a new kind of rollercoaster until he found the proper medication and acceptance of its place as part of his treatment. Once he felt comfortable again, his smile and warmth returned along with a new playfulness. I discovered that those traits were his innate qualities and not alcohol-induced. Fortunately, many marriages can indeed survive with a recovering alcoholic.

I Got Sober and Everything Got Better… Except My Relationship

You cannot will that for your partner, but you can work on that for yourself. There are many different treatments available that can be effective in reducing or eliminating problems with alcohol or other drugs. Some treatments involve individual counseling, others involve group counseling, and still others involve self-help meetings and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotic Anonymous. So, if you have a problem with drinking or drug use, it is worth it to enter treatment, not only for you, but also for your partner, children, friends, and others. If your partner has a problem with drugs or alcohol, getting him or her to enter treatment may be one of the best things you can do for him and your relationship. That is likely to mean that drinking and drug use will need to stop and the problems in the relationship will need to be identified and addressed. If you or your partner are showing signs of having a problem with drugs or alcohol and there are problems in the relationship, it is common to hope these things will take care of themselves over time.

  • According to experts, communication—particularly in relation to staying sober—is imperative.
  • Spouses will likely experience moments that will have them wondering how their marriage can survive sobriety.
  • We don’t believe in a cookie-cutter approach to recovery.
  • I could see that I had changed, and I could see that I wanted things to work with my husband, but I couldn’t figure out how to bridge the gap.
  • If she turns out to be an alcoholic, he will have the complete dependent he wants, no matter how desperately he thinks he wants her sober.

Both spouses may feel especially vulnerable when it comes to sex. Sexual intimacy usually mirrors the lack of emotional intimacy, particularly with alcoholism and often with drug use, as well.

The Person With the Substance Use Disorder

He learned state statutes and regulations, and studied counseling practices from several angles. This eventually led him back to school for a degree in psychology. It became Lyle’s passion to learn how to provide the best care possible and be able to treat people for the duration they needed as an individual, not the duration their bank account mandated. Lyle is a Board-Certified Addictions Professional, an Internationally Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor, an Approved Training Provider for the Florida Certification Board, and a Certified Health Coach. Lyle was VP of a 6-county homeless coalition and a founding member of the Mental Health Action Team in Miami-Dade County. He has served as a Consultant & Licensure Specialist to numerous facilities and has served as a Drug Court Panel member. He is also a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors , and the International Substance Abuse & Addiction Coalition .

  • Those questions haunted me for a long time as Bill struggled to reconnect with his emotions.
  • As I saw him pour an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s down the drain, my lungs were able to expand, and with each breath my body became lighter and my mind clearer.
  • For one week I felt confident and safe and assured.
  • On September 7, 2014 I came up for air, for the first time in 10 years.
  • They can go through rough patches when they deal with psychological turmoil and problems that fueled their addiction.
  • And I was resentful, not of his healing but of the fact nothing had changed.

Even if you were to reconcile, you’d be building something new because what existed before is broken. It had to be for your drinking and drug use to continue.

Letting go is hard, but staying stuck here is far more painful.

Otherwise, trust will continue to be damaged instead of repaired. After the addict has recovered, however, repairing the relationship is possible. Although rebuilding trust and intimacy will be difficult, you can put your marriage back together using the tips below.

When someone in a marriage goes through addiction and the recovery process, it may feel like divorce is inevitable. Addiction can cause excessive strain on a marriage, but it doesn’t have to mean an end. Understanding what options are available to you, regardless of which way your relationship goes, can allow you both to control the outcome.

Loss of trust

Couples need time to rebuild trust and confidence. Both the person recovering from addiction and their partner need time to heal from the negative impacts addiction had on their relationship. As the person marriage changes after sobriety in recovery, do not expect broken trust with your partner to immediately return. As their partner, understand that you need to give yourself time to heal; patience with yourself and your spouse is key.

How Can Marriage Survive Sobriety

I perceived him as an accomplished executive with a relational leadership style appreciated by his colleagues. It tortured me that he could not stop his drinking. At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. As an industry professional 12 Keys has become one of my most trusted resources. Patient care and engagement are always top notch, and I know that I can always trust that the patient and their families will be in the best position to recover. Solid clinically, and more importantly these are good and genuinely caring people. I cannot recommend 12 Keys at the River enough for those struggling with addiction.

1 thought on “What to Do if You’re Married to an Alcoholic”

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